FORGIVE AND FORGET, EVENTUALLY​

We use it to justify a substantial portion of our actions; the kind of false comfort I used to revel in. Under the belief that this was the extent of what I could achieve, I held onto empty promises, truly admiring the clandestine callousness. Perhaps childhood nostalgia kept us intertwined, justifying the delusions and holding us together – but where I saw glue, there was tape. I mistook your smirks for smiles and fell into wisteria that was really nothing short of insurmountable mortification.

Such a strong desire ensued within me, pure serotonin emerging from my emotional time machine, all while I remained nothing short of a liability. There I sat, frozen in fire, tied up in our contract of a friendship. It was not until I came to the glowing revelation that perspective will be the remedy to many of my ills, that I truly began to lighten. Comfort in melancholia is derived through habit and all habits can be broken. I watched as my mental landscape transformed into beauteous gardens with alluring violets. Flowers that wielded petals, instead of thorns; roses, and not ruses, surrounded by a passion that would never pass. 

The garden was not effortless by any means; it was a film of countless restless nights and humiliating encounters. The fairytale ending was a lesson on how to keep my guard up just enough to protect myself, without fully shutting the gate. I learned to trust in moderation and enjoy to my heart’s content. I learned that valuable relationships are formed with those who will listen to you talk for hours as if it has only been seven minutes. Valuable relationships are formed with those who will never stop thanking you for your commitment, and will never stop giving you a reason to commit. They do not need shout-outs or recognition because they know who they are, for our friendship is just that, and I love who they are.

And so, here I am breaking our contract, for I know that while I may despise you and the foggy pedestal your fabrications hold up, one day the sun will come out, for my reign has ended. I thank you for your time, and hate you for your actions.